13 years & …
Royal tea room with the fantastic four! My beautiful bestie @shereelanae royaltearoom #saturday #girlsday
😋 Day 2!
I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE ANYMORE.
78-year-old Walter Williams wakes up in a body bag after being pronounced dead.
We don’t know each other but I’m writing you because I feel like too often women are caught between one selfish man. The mistake is we trust him enough to tell us what’s happening on the other side. As you know I was dating Mark recently. I understood the relationship between you and him to be a peaceful friendship by which you two are raising your daughter. It wasn’t until Mark asked me to remove pictures of us together from my Instagram feed that I realized that there must be something more between you and him. I told Mark how I felt and he denies being with you or having intentions to do so. Still my gut tells me something else. Mark has been very persistent in trying to continue our relationship. But I’m just not that type of woman. I want you to know that and I wanted to put you in a position to address this with him. His continued attempts to be with me are difficult for me and quite frankly disrespectful to us both. Please feel free to respond. However I really just wanted to put you in the loop. I wish the best for you.
Okay so the “cute kid” statement was a bit of a dig. Still, you’ve got to give it to Paris.
Well, I say she’s doing what most women won’t. She’s doing what doesn’t even occur to most women. She’s addressing her hurt and betrayal with the person in a better position to provide truth and clarity. Too often women look to the man who betrayed them to heal them. Now, I’m not saying that Ms. Tiffany will be all ears and willing to play nurse for the woman who imposes upon her inbox. However, Paris increases her chances of healing gracefully from the betrayal by focusing her next step: healing. She also performs an act of sisterhood. In contacting the main chick (or the woman before her-whatever makes you feel better), Paris decides not to fold the lies over in an effort to go back to happier moments. No, she allows herself to wade a bit longer in reality. She understands that there are two sides to this man’s story. The side she’s heard for the duration of her time in the dark, which isn’t too forthcoming. Then, there is the other woman’s story, which could shed valuable light for Paris.
If Paris has a desire to cherish her self-worth, she’ll also really want to move forward to avoid greater hurt. To do this in a healthy manner may personally require her knowing more about what’s been on the other side of the closet that Mr. Liar Liar Pants on Fire kept her behind.
If so, then so be it. Paris and Tiffany deserve to know what Mark is saying to them respectively. Mark deserves to be put on the chopping block and held accountable. Cute kid deserves a mother who can make a well informed decision about Daddy for his/her future.
I love this approach because, in responding this way you acknowledge that the other woman isn’t the enemy. The man you thought enjoyed your time, respected your mind and loved your body is the enemy. By accepting this approach to healing from this type of hurt you’re accepting that the investments you made in this relationship have been void. Not because they held no value but because they were not valued. You’re accepting that the one you chose didn’t choose you. You’re accepting that you may have been an enabler in his Tom Foolery and that even if you were not you don’t wish to play this game even if it means you’ll be alone. Again.
Enter self-help content…
How to Be Paris:
First, decide if the other woman is mature enough to receive what you have to say. You know a LaKeysha from the Heights apart from a Marley from Baldwin Hills. Girl, if she’s a ratchet queen who uses koolaid as hair die when the beauty shop closes early on Sunday………..back away from the keyboard.
If you’re intent is to tell her about herself, position yourself to become the reigning champ in a battle over Mr. Worthless, or embarrass her…
Have a seat and grow up. You have bigger issues that undoubtedly overshadow the present pain. You need to find yourself, then invest in becoming a better person.
Check list for pulling a Paris:
1. Value yourself.
Decide not to play the supporting role in a real life “Being Mary Jane” scene. #noshadebutsome Anyway girl, men are not at the risk of being extinct.
2. When you contact the other woman, chose a method of contact that is not invasive.
Write it out. Email or Facebook is safe. No texting or calling. You want to give her an opportunity to digest what you have to say.
3. Don’t be disrespectful.
Consider the fact that you are hurt and she just might be devastated. [Yea I hear you. You may be devastated too, but again, you need to acknowledge that she also has stock in this guy and you’re the one reaching out to her. You have a responsibility to do that effectively and respectfully.]
4. Talk as little as possible about any negative comments he made about her or the details of your relationship with him.
It’s just not productive. Besides, if you are truly ready to move on…this is not a part of your process.
What to say:
- Introduce yourself.
- Explain whom you have in common and how long you’ve known the individual.
- Explain how you know the two timing dog and the nature of your relationship
- State how you feel about the news of her being in his life. (Keep it short; this isn’t your friend after all.)
- Make it clear that you’ll be moving on from the relationship.
- Close out with your purpose in contacting her.
- Remember to be considerate and respectful.
Lastly, prepare yourself in the event that you don’t get a response. What I really want to say is…don’t expect a response. Well before you click ‘send,’ determine what the next step to your healing process will be. Begin it before you reach out to the other woman. Because how your communication goes after that has absolutely nothing to do with you moving on.
*TRUE STORY, inspired by a friend. Thanks for allowing me to share your experience, Boogie.”
😂😂😂 #mommyproblems #lovegeri #parenting101